The Story of How We Got Engaged: Part One
Let me preface by saying that I am a bit of a control freak. And a feminist. Deciding to get married seemed like something I should get to be a part of. I am, after all, half of the decision! So the almost-engaged period, and the months following were... somewhat frustrating for me. I share this because I hope it helps someone else who is going through or who has gone through similar frustration.
Back in August of 2007, Ryan and I went ring shopping with my maid of honor / younger sister Mary. (Y'all have seen cute pictures of her face previously modeling a bridesmaid dress.) Of course we had been discussing for some time that we would get married, and when a good time to get engaged would be. I was counting down the seconds until I could show off a beautiful diamond and start planning a wedding. I was definitely one of your over-enthusiastic types regarding the whole thing. Fast forward to immediately following the ring shopping experience, back at my apartment with Mary. I was a mess.
It felt so wrong picking out a ridiculously expensive present for myself that was supposed to mean that I was in love and planning to get married- something I would say easily with no presents included! But that is what I was supposed to want; a beautiful shiny diamond engagement ring that meant, 'Look world, someone wants to marry me.' And I definitely wanted to marry him! So why did everything feel so... bad?
Mary, being my ultra-helpful maid of honor, suggested I read this book:
found here
She had heard about it through a class and felt like it echoed my sentiments. So before anything else happened, I read this book.
And you know what? It really helped. A lot. Just to know that I wasn't the only one who was confused as to why two adult individuals deciding to get married would need to follow all of "the rules." However, this didn't stop the process from being massively stressful.
The problem came because we (me? Ryan? both of us? I still don't know) wanted to be traditional. Ryan didn't feel right not giving me a ring, but I didn't feel right demanding expensive jewelry. On top of that, I didn't understand why, if we were both ready to get engaged, why did I have to passively sit around and wait until Ryan decided it was the right time? (Or saved enough money to buy a ring he thought would impress my dad.) I don't mean to be an ultra-feminist here, but when have I ever sat back and let things happen to me before? Why should one of the biggest decisions of my life be different? So let's just say there were many nights of tears, frustration, and confusion. Ryan even went so far as getting down on one knee and promising that he wanted to marry me- but couldn't propose yet. In other words, I got to know that Ryan wanted to marry me and intended to propose, but I still had to wait for the tradition of the man proving his worth by spending lots of money. Only then could I be engaged.
So I sat around waiting (let me tell you, not so patiently) for Ryan to decide the time was right. Seeing as how he had just graduated and moved out on his own, I was basically waiting for him to save enough money for the ring. I figured I might be in for quite a wait, and I kept trying to convince myself that I was fine with it. But honestly, knowing both of us intended to get married, it was hard to justify waiting for Ryan to save money for the purchase of something I wasn't sure I felt comfortable with. Then one day he came home and said "I have a plan. I will be proposing sooner than you think."
To be continued...
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