If you know me well at all, you know that being a feminist is pretty important to me. Being a conscious, responsible person is also pretty important to me. I don't always do a great job of being either, but these are values that I hold.
Planning a wedding has been and continues to be an uncomfortable journey for me. I love the planning, I LOVE the organization, I love daydreaming about how ecstatic and terrified I will be all at once to walk down the aisle to the man I love. At the same time I am definitely uncomfortable with a lot of the traditions and a lot of the seemingly frivolous spending that comes with planning a wedding. I am thrilled to see this topic being discussed passionately by so many intelligent women. (And I am making the assumption at this point that it is women writing about this topic, as that is all I have read. But please- I am agreeable to men blogging, caring about weddings, and being feminists too!)
This is a conversation I believe needs to be had for a generation of women who both want to have a traditional wedding celebration, yet want to be conscious, responsible, and feminists. I fear a polarizing between sets of women: the ones who are going all out planning their traditional weddings, and the ones who are trying to go against the traditional system. As much as I think a balance can and IS being found, I felt some animosity in some of what I read tonight.
Most of us are coming from a traditionally male dominated society. Some of us believe it is very much still this way (and for some it is). We have the responsibility to ourselves and to future generations to determine what step we will make in the continuing of traditions and of weddings. I think the reason weddings are so important to this discussion are that they are rites of passage; traditions in a society that define our culture in many ways. And while there are vast variations on weddings, many themes are common. So I believe this conversation is beyond that of environmental consciousness (which is still very important), or of who is spending too much money or time on their wedding (also a good conversation to have). To me it is much more about: what are we saying about ourselves as women, as Americans, and as humans as we plan our weddings? Are we conscious of these things?
And most importantly, in my opinion, are we supporting each other in this sometimes joyful, sometimes difficult, and frequently confusing journey?
(Cheerful posting about reception locations to resume tomorrow.)
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